Old Wise Woman in Mexico

Old Wise Woman in Mexico

I admit, I am hanging onto the last thread of my 20’s … albeit still for a few more months (July 24th is the day to send presents!). Then I will enter into the next important decade – the big Three-Oh! And as I dangle precariously from this rapidly unwinding thread of my “young and vibrant years,” I have some mixed feelings about what I am leaving  behind and where I am headed.

I am convinced that people are either born wanting to be forever young or secretly desiring the wisdom and maturity that comes with age. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be older. I used to “play work” when I was little, and my deepest desire was to be old enough to get a job. In high school I couldn’t wait to be old enough to go to College. And as soon as I started working I wished I would be older so I could be more senior and more respected. And even though I now have a number of years working under my belt, I still feel too young and inexperienced. This morning I went to a networking meeting with Professional International Women in Mexico City, and I felt the pangs of embarrassment at being the youngest in the room, sure that everyone was looking at me and thinking … ah, this girl doesnt know shit. She has so much to learn!   Perhaps it sounds strange, in a world obsessed with being forever young, but I really cant wait until I am 50 and everyone will look at me and think, “wow, she is old, and she has lived and she must know a lot!” (Or is that just my ego at age 29 talking?  Maybe when I am 50 I will think, “what an idiot I was, why didn’t I just enjoy being in my 20s!”)

Young and Full of Life

Young and Full of Life

But, then again, as I am about to leave the desired decade of twenty-something life, I am a little bit sad as well. Being young does have its advantages …
People don’t pressure me to know what I want or have my shit together.
Everyone wants to help me all the time (as if I were incapable of doing things on my own).
People are generally nice to me, especially older people who think of me as their “daughter.”
I don’t have to worry about wrinkles or bad skin … or really any health ailments so far.
And guys tend to like young women. (I could still be a mistress to a 65-year-old-married-rich-guy!)

Last year I met a 31-year-old Chinese girl on an island in Thailand, and as we were sipping Mojitos and discussing our confusion about life and what to do in the future, she confidently told me, “Yes, but we are young, so everything will work out for us!” And I thought, wow, thank god I am not old, and the response might be, “Well, you’re just stuck with that shit!”

I suppose the point is that if we believe in ourselves, no matter what age we are, things will work out. I have to embrace my last few months in my 20’s, enjoying the help of others and the reassurance that I don’t have to have it all figured out just yet. And soon enough I will experience the sheer joy in being able to finally rip out that last thread and uncover a new dress below … my sultry, self-assured, smart, powerful dress I’ll be wearing for the next ten years!

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