I´m a bit sad. I think my honeymoon period has ended. (Not with my boyfriend, thank god!) I mean my cultural honeymoon in Mexico has ended. I look around and get annoyed. I have started cussing at Mexicans in my head. They just piss me off all the time now. The country frustrates me. Daily.

I hate the stupid valet parkers. I hate the cleaning people who spend endless hours talking when they should be working. I hate the stupid Telcel dudes in their cheap blue suits who smirk at me when we pass on the sidewalk. I hate the honking horns and drivers who dont let me walk past. I also hate the smarmy men who purposefully let me walk past their cars so they can whistle at me.  I hate rich Mexican men that think they are god´s gift to the world. And I hate rich Mexican women who look at me like they want to smash me with their platform heels and swat me over the head with their humongous LV bags. I hate all the people trying to sell me crap in the street. I dont want your cell phone case nor your gum nor your plants nor your tarot card reading!

Pretty Mexican Street? No, I hate cobblestones.

Pretty Mexican Street? No, I hate cobblestones.

Maybe, just maybe, I hate my neighborhood. How is it possible to live in what most consider to be the “nicest neighborhood” in the city and just feel spite inside? Would I still enjoy Mexico if I lived in a more humilde, more relaxed and quiet neighborhood? Would I like Mexico more if I had to commute to a different neighborhood?

Or, perhaps it is not the neighborhood. Perhaps it is just the country. Am I just ending the blinded-by-joy feeling of first arriving somewhere and discovering all the new, different and lovely secrets of a new culture? Is this normal? Is it possible to find the love again? Or should Mexico and I break up? I cant decide. Please help.

Maybe I should start going to church?

Maybe I should start going to church?

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Subway in Mexico

Subway in Mexico

I recently did one of the million tests that explain who you really are … you know the, never mind what you thought, this is the honest truth type of study. Not surprisingly, it revealed that I like to think I am perfect and get upset when people tell me I am wrong. But who doesn’t? I mean, come on! I might hate criticism, but do you know anyone who really likes it?

Can you even imagine the following,
Sara: “Hey, Alice, you suck at your job!”
Alice: “Thanks for telling me, Sara! I feel so much better now that I know that.”

Ah, yeah, not going to happen. Anyway, the study also told me I dont know myself well. Hmmm. First reaction: Does anyone really know themselves well? Second reaction: offended. Super offended. I have just spent an entire year doing nothing but trying to figure that out. I mean, come on, I surely must have some level of self-awareness, right?  So, just to prove the study wrong, I am going to admit another realization about my reasons for living abroad in Mexico. (And these are serious.)

I live abroad because it is easier to be special  in a foreign country. I admit it. I love the attention. I love being noticed. And it is easier to feel successful here. Here, despite being in a city of 24 million people, I feel like I am a “big fish in a little pond” instead of being a little fish in a big tank full of gringos similar to me. In Mexico City, I am different. And yes, I love it. So, there you have it. Honesty. Knowing myself.

In fact, I secretly wonder if all people who live abroad don’t have this same ego-driven reason deep down for living in a foreign land. Can I hypothesize that the “Expat” crowd is really just a bunch of ego-massaging, attention-seeking people opposed to the real challenge of being special in their home countries?   Hmmm …. Oh expat friends, I call on you for your opinions here!